So I’m in the pharmacy looking for shampoo and realized I don’t have what it takes to be an investigative journalist. A true journalist-minded person would’ve bought a box, just to bring it home and see what the hell is inside.

Given that conservative Islam, like so many other religions, is desperately concerned with women being virtuous (and virgins at the time of their marriage), I’m really curious about the properties of this gel.

Update: I spoke sternly to myself about my cowardice and marched back into the store the next day and bought myself some hymen gel. I mean, what if it’s a miraculous cure for under-eye bags, like what they say about Preparation-H? (full disclosure: my sister-in-law suggested this possibility) The package says “hymen gel is an all natural especially formulated herbal gel used as tightening and soothing gel.”  Hmm. The tube inside says it’s a “soothing gel and a lubricant gel.”  You apply the gel on the “intimate area” and then allow fifteen minutes for maximum effectiveness.

Which raises the question: wait fifteen minutes for what?

Is this the gel version of the Madonna song? Is the gel that will make us all “like a virgin, touched for the very first time?”

My sister-in-law, who is visiting us this week, rubbed some gel on her hand. We didn’t see any visible change in her skin, but now that hand is embarrassed to be seen naked.